The Secret Admirer Bastard
by chopper3419
Summary: Lovino is a grumpy high school student who has enough on his plate, dealing with his ditzy brother and annoying friends. One day he starts receiving letters from a secret admirer. Then there's that annoying Spanish transfer student...
1. Who the Fuck Writes a Letter in Cursive?

Feli needs to learn to wake the fuck up. He slept in _again_ , so we had to skip breakfast and were late to school _again_. That little shit better be glad that I'm the best goddamn brother in the world. Any other brother would have left his ass, but _no_ , I have to go out of my way to wait for him and make sure that he actually got to school before lunch and _why_ do I _even bother_ -

"Yo Lovi! Wassup?" A tan arm landed heavily across my shoulders.

"Fuck off Alfred. I'm not in the mood." I shook off his arm and resumed trying to unlock my locker. Stupid shit bitch lock would only open if you jiggled it right.

"Ha! You're never in the mood! Hey, me, Gil, and Franny are going to hang out later with that new kid who moved here last month. What was his name? Tory? Tommy? Oh well, I'll just ask him when I meet him! I don't have any classes with the guy, but Franny and Gil do. So anyway, you wanna come?" I was about to tell Alfred that him and his bastard friends could fuck off, but before I got a chance to say it, he caught sight of Kiku and ran off. Bitch can't even finish a conversation before his ADHD kicks in.

I finally got my locker open only to be greeted by an avalanche of books, binders, and loose papers. I managed to catch most of it because of my cat like reflexes (okay, fine. _Semi_ -cat like reflexes). I shoved the mess back into my locker, picking up the stray papers that had scattered across the floor. As I scanned the area around my locker for any more papers, my eyes caught on a white envelope at my feet. At first I thought that it was someone else's (why would I have a fucking white envelope?) but the cursive _Lovino_ written on the back said otherwise.

I picked it up and admired the cursive. Some stupid bastard really spent some time on it. Idiot. Who addresses letters in cursive anyway? Out of pity for the poor sap who wrote it, I opened the letter. It's not like I was curious or anything, it was only for the sake of the bastard.

 _Dear Lovino,_

 _I'm probably doing this all wrong. I've never written a note like this before! Ah, but I'm sure that you'll forgive me. You're nicer than most people think.  
_ _  
Anyway, the reason I wrote this is because I love you. You don't know me and we've never spoken, but I've watched you. Not in a stalker way! Just during the classes that we have together and sometimes I glance over at your table during lunch._

I think that you're super cute! You act all grumpy, but I know you aren't as mean as you seem! You aren't afraid to tell people what you think, which is impressive. I always worry about others too much! You're also really creative. I saw the doodle in your notebook when I walked past your desk once. You're very good at drawing! I wonder if you take art?

Whenever you're lost in thought you get this look on you face; it's peaceful and makes my stomach get butterflies. Your eyes are such a pretty color, like roasted marshmallows. That's probably not the most romantic analogy in the world, but oh well. I've always liked marshmallows.

 _I would like to ask you out, but I'm afraid you'll say no. So, for now, I'll just talk to you this way._

 _With Love,  
Your Secret Admirer_

I snorted. This had to be some kind of shitty joke. No one sends secret admirer notes anymore. Especially not ones that are so goddamn cheesy. Even so, I couldn't bring myself to throw the letter away. It wasn't like I actually cared, or that I was hoping that maybe, just maybe the letter was real and there really was someone who was in love with me. No, it definitely wasn't that.

* * *

The rest of the morning was pretty boring. I couldn't stop thinking of that damn letter. If it was real (and it probably wasn't, but I might as well at least entertain the idea) the who sent it? The bastard said that I didn't know them, but that they were in some of my classes. I subtly glanced around me at my classmates. Was it one of them? I hoped not, they were all assholes.

By the time lunch rolled around, I was hungry and pissed. Hungry because I skipped breakfast and pissed because my English teacher gave me a fucking 53 on my grammar test. Fucking bitch. I made my way to my usual table after getting my lunch. Green hotdogs and fried okra. Why do the schools even bother to feed us if the food is going to be shit? Looks like I'm bringing my lunch tomorrow.

As I sat down I saw Feli was hanging all over his German bitch (and Ludwig was definitely Feli's bitch and not the other way around. I'll be damned before my brother is anyone's bitch). Alfred was trying to eat and talk at the same time, which sums up his personality pretty well. I got to work trying to figure out if any of the hotdog was edible (probably not, but I was fucking starving).

"Everyone, everyone! Allow me to introduce Antonio, the newest addition to our little group. Be nice, especially you, Lovino!" I scowled at the French bastard. I was always nice. Anyone who said differently was a bitch.

"Hello! It's very nice to meet you all! You can call me Toni!" My glare shifted to a ridiculously happy looking guy sitting next to Francis. His hair was a mess of curls, as if it had never been brushed. The new kid's eyes fell on me, and he smiled. Fuck, he was handsome. Damn bastard coming into my territory, smiling like an idiot, being too cute for his own good. Damn him to hell.

"You're Lovi, right? I think we have English and physics together. I didn't know that you knew Francis!" The handsome bastard was talking again. Why was he so damn happy? Ugh, I hope he doesn't turn out to be another Alfred or Feli. The two of the have enough optimism already.

"You fucking watched me in our classes? Fucking stalker. And it's _Lovino_ to you." He blushed. A part of me thought how cute that was. The rest of me wanted to punch him in the face.

"Haha! I didn't stalk you! I just remember when the teacher was taking attendance she said your name and I thought 'oh what a cool name' and that's how I remembered. Oh, and Gil called you Lovi earlier so I just assumed it was just your nickname. Sorry!" He said in a long, awkward ramble. Weirdo.

"Don't worry Toni! Lovi yelled at everyone who calls him that! He secretly likes it though-" Feli was silenced by a swift punch to the gut. He fell over onto his potato bitch. I knew he was overreacting because I purposely held back, so as not to injure him (if I had unleashed my full power I might have accidentally killed him. Sometimes I find it difficult to live with so much raw power and masculinity, _but it is a burden I must bear._ )

Lunch went by as usual, except for the fact that I could feel Antonio looking at me every once in a while. About halfway through lunch, Alfred starting badgering me about hanging out with everyone after school again. I let Alfred know what I thought of that idea, mainly that they were all bastards and I would rather die in a ditch than hang out with them. I must have been imagining the disheartened look that passed over Antonio's face when I said that.

(It wasn't until later, when I was sitting alone in my room, that I maybe regretted turning the offer down.)


	2. I Hate Mr Zwingli

The next day, I was reluctant to open my locker. What if there wasn't another note, and it was all actually some big fucking joke? What if there was another note and it turns out there was actually a secret admirer? Which outcome was worse? Fuck it, just got to do it quick, like a bandaid. I unlocked the locker as fast as I could (which wasn't very fast, damn lock).

There was another note. I knew it as soon as the flood of papers hit me. I quickly shoved all my books back into my locker, and grabbed the envelope off the floor. Just like before, it was in a white envelope and had my name in cursive on the back. What the fuck could they have to say this time? More sappy comparisons about my eyes? Oh well, its not like it would do any harm to open it.

 _Dear Lovino,_

 _You really are so cute. Your hair looks soft and that one stubborn curl is just adorable. You remind me of a cat, hissing at people but still being super cuddly and soft. I like cats. I have one, her name is Carmen and she's a little lazy, but still super sweet. She gets along well with my 6 little turtles. Do you like turtles? You strike me as more of a cat person. I like cats. I think that I already said that. Oh well!_

 _Anyway, I hope you have a good day! If you start to feel down, just remember that I love you!_

 _With Lots and Lots of Love,  
Your Secret Admirer_

What the fuck? Was this person an idiot? Whatever, I'll just think about it later. Right now I have to get to class. I shoved the letter into my physics binder and started off down the hallway.

Fuck fuck fuck. I cant be late again. Stupid secret admirer bastard made me late yesterday, now they're going to make me late again. I hurried into the physics classroom and took my seat.

"Hey, Lovi! I told you we had physics together!" Oh my fucking God. The handsome bastard. Fuck my life. The bastard scampered ( _like a fucking over-excited puppy)_ to my desk. He kneeled in front of the desk, crossed his arms on top of it, and laid his head on his arms. He gazed up at me from his spot on top of my homework. Fuck his adorable eyes.

"Fuck off, bastard. I never gave you permission to talk to me." I gave him my most intimidating glare, the one I usually reserve for Francis when he plays grab ass. He just laughed.

"Aww, come on Lovi. Let's be friends! Your brother talked about you a lot last night and now I'm curious. Do you really have 'a religious love of tomatoes'? I like tomatoes too! And do you 'mask your feelings with aggression'? Haha, that's what Feli said. He also said that I should give you a big hug!" He sprang up and reached his arms over the desk. I didn't have time to react before I was pulled into a painful hug, the desk digging into my gut. It the short time it took me to shove him off, I noticed three things. One; his hair smelled really good. Like, fucking flowers and meadows good. Two; he was taller than me. Fuck him. Three; he was in my personal space, and no one gets in my personal space.

A few seconds later he was hunched over and clutching his stomach. That'll teach him to mess with Lovino Fucking Vargas. He laughed again and looked like he wanted to say something, but he was cut off by the teacher's voice. Class was starting, and Mr. Zwingli was the craziest teacher in the school. I heard that he once gave Matthew detention, and Matthew never does anything bad. At least, nothing that I can remember.

We were only 20 minutes into class (which was boring as fuck, by the way) when a note landed on my desk.

I glared at the kid sitting next to me. Did he want to get us in trouble with Zwingli? He discreetly pointed behind him at (guess _fucking_ who) Antonio. The bastard waved and made an unfolding motion with his hands. I scowled and turned back to the note in my hands.

 _Hey Lovi! Why did you punch me earlier? All I did was give you a hug. Hugs make everything better!_

Is he so stupid that he would risk Zwingli's wrath for that? Some stupid message about hugs? This guy might just be stupider than Alfred. I glanced at the teacher to make sure he wasn't looking my way, then I quickly scribbled my reply on the note.

 _You bastard. Do you want us to get in trouble? This teacher is insane. Also, hugs suck._

I gave the note to the boy next to me with silent instructions to give it to the bastard. A minute later I received a reply.

 _Don't be that way Lovi! Hugs are great! And the teacher doesn't scare me. I bet, deep down, he's a big softy, just like you!_

He was getting stupider and stupider.

 _I'm not a softy. I am perfect. You are an idiot. And stop passing notes!_

 _But Lovi, you're also passing notes. And I'm not an idiot. You are perfect though. ;)_

 _By the way, Feli mentioned that you and him were Italian. That's so cool! Can you make good pasta?_

 _Don't 'winky face' me, bastard. And yes, we're Italian. Of course I can make good pasta, dumbass. Alfred mentioned that you're a transfer student, so where are you from? Not that I'm curious. I'm just entertaining myself._

 _Haha, you'll have to make me pasta sometime then! I moved from California, and from Spain before that. We came to America when I was a kid. So, when's our pasta date?_

I was preparing to write my reply (something along the lines of "go fuck yourself, it's not a date") when I heard someone clear their throat. I looked up to see Mr. Zwingli standing over my desk. He glared silently and snatched the paper off my desk. He read through our correspondence, then glared at me and Antonio.

"Detention, after school." with that, Mr. Zwingli walked back to the front of the classroom, dropping the crumpled note into the trashcan on his way. Fuck, now I had detention with the Spanish bastard. Fuck my life.

* * *

I spent the rest of the day ignoring Antonio. He tried to talk to me in English and at lunch, but I refused to acknowledge him. The seventh time I told him to leave me alone, he got really sad looking and stopped bothering me. Serves him right, even if he does look pitiful...

No! Don't pity the enemy. He's just trying to win sympathy with his big eyes and mournful sighs. The second you succumb to his charms, then you'll never be able to say no to him ever again. _Be strong_. Remember your years of training, resisting Feli's sweet baby face.

The bell rang. Fuck, it was the end of the day. That means a whole detention hour with the Spanish bastard. I trudged slowly to Mr. Edelstein's room. This was not going to be fun.

There were only 5 kids in the classroom. None of them were Antonio. I took a seat in the back of the class by the window. Maybe if I sat by the window that would give me an excuse to ignore the bastard. Speak of the devil, I heard a backpack thud and the desk chair shift as someone sat down in it. It was him, I didn't have to see him to know. I could feel his sorrowful eyes gently begging me for forgiveness. Oh for fuck's sake.

"I want to be here even less than you, so I'm leaving. Don't leave the room until the detention bell rings, and don't make too much noise." Mr. Edelstein said as he walked to the door. He was probably going to break into the music room, or make out with the nurse. As I turned to watch him leave, I caught a glimpse of Antonio out of the corner of my eye. He was just as woeful looking as I thought.

"Lovi I didn't mean to get you in trouble. I'll do anything you want if you forgive me. I'll make you lunch tomorrow. I won't talk to you in physics ever again. I'll sing you a song. Loooooviiiiiiiiii-"

"Will you shut up and stop moping? It's making me depressed." He perked up a little.

"Does that mean you'll forgive me and be my friend?" the hope in his eyes made me want to gag. He looked like a fucking teenage girl.

"On two conditions. First; don't be annoying. For an example of what is annoying, go talk to Alfred or Gilbert. Second; you make me lunch. I am willing to accept a minimum of two meals a week, but it is up to you if you want to make more to win my favor." I leaned back and put on my best smug face. Free lunches would be pretty nice. Anything would be better than the school lunches.

After that, the Spanish bastard was back to his old self. He started chatting away about various things that he could make me for lunch. I recognized a few Spanish dishes, but there were some that I didn't know. Oh well, if he knew so many dishes it probably means that he is a good cook, which means I was in luck.

"Do you know any Italian dishes, or am I going to be living off of Spanish shit from now on?"

"I don't know how to make any Italian food. I know, you can teach me! After all, you already agreed to have a pasta date with me."

"I don't remember agreeing to anything. And if I did teach you to cook, it wouldn't be a _date._ I have standards, you know." Maybe teaching him to cook wouldn't be to bad of a way to spend my free time. I wasn't in any clubs, they were all beneath me.

"And what might those standards be?" he leaned in and wiggled his eyebrows. It was absolutely ridiculous.

"That is _privileged_ information." Nope. I was not going to even _think_ about possibly dating him. That was never going to happen. It's not like he was actually interested anyway. It was all just friendly banter. The detention bell rang.

"Oh Lovi, are you free Saturday?" Antonio said as he reached to grab his backpack.

"Yeah, Why?" He smiled.

"Because we have a pasta date."


	3. My Room is a Fucking Masterpiece

"Bye Lovi! I'm going to Ludwig's to study!" Feli called as he walked out the door. Unless "study" was a new sex position, he was lying his ass off. That fucking German bastard. He wasn't good enough for my brother. Even though Feli was a dumbass, he shared my noble Italian blood, which was enough to make him way out of Ludwig's league.

Uuuuuuggggggghhhhhh. Thinking about the potato-munching bastard always puts me in a bad mood. And the Spanish bastard was coming over later today. Ffffffffffffuuuuuuuuccccccckkkkkkk. I had, like, three hours until Antonio was supposed to show up. That was enough time to find a shitty movie to watch on Netflix. Maybe it would distract me from all the stupid people that I hang out with. Why do I even hang out with them? _Who even fucking knows._

I went to my room. My beautiful room, with its majestic mountains of dirty clothes. With its similar, but distinctly different, mountains of clean clothes. The scenic rivers of old school papers and half-finished drawings.

I'm so poetic. I could write a book.

Okay, time to stop being a sensitive and eloquent motherfucker. Time to get down to business. Where the fuck was my laptop? That shitty piece of technology had disappeared. After a few minutes of looking through the clothes on the floor, I still couldn't find it. Fuck.

Wait, maybe Feli took it. That little fucker couldn't keep his hands off my stuff. Fucking klepto. Sure enough, there it was, sitting on his bed. And it was dead. Fucking fantastic. Fuck my life.

I dug around in my desk drawers for my spare charger. (Feli or someone stole my other one. There was no way I lost it. I'm a God of organization.) When I was looting the third drawer, I stopped. There were the secret admirer letters that I had been avoiding ever since I shoved them in there yesterday.

I picked up the letters. There were five: one had come every day last week. The shortest one was only a few paragraphs, but the one I got on Thursday was _two fucking pages_. They spent half a page talking about how much they like my voice. It was flattering, seeing as no one else seemed to realize just how amazing I really am. People are always "oh Feli is so nice!" or "your grandpa is hot!" Do you know how fucking creepy that is? I mean, I know good looks run in the family, but _come on._

Whatever. What do I care what some stupid letter says about me? The person who wrote them is too much of a coward to say that shit to my face anyway. What use would i have for a lover who is too much of a pussy to admit their feelings to my face? Those letters could rot in my desk drawer forever for all I care.

* * *

The credits for _Mean Girls_ were rolling when I heard the doorbell ring. Either Feli locked himself out of the house again, or the Spanish bastard was here. I reluctantly got up to answer the door.

"Hola Lovi! How are you today? Are you ready to teach me to make pasta?" The bastard was smiling brightly and looked like the idiot he was.

"Fuck off and go home." I tried to slam the door in his face, but he shoved his foot in the gap.

"Aww Lovi, does this mean you won't teach me how to make pasta?" He looked like a kicked puppy. Damn those big green eyes.

"Fine! Geez, you're such a needy motherfucker!" I opened the door wider so that he could come in. He didn't look phased at all by my insults. What the fuck? Usually people were gone by now. The only people that ever tolerated my cussing were the ones that Feli warned. Feli was always "Oh, Lovi's actually really sweet!" or "He's nice when you get to know him!1!1!". When did Feli have time to talk to- oh, right. That time Alfred, Feli, and all the rest hung out without me. Toni even told me what Feli said! What did Feli say again? Something about emotional vulnerability (which was a _big fat lie_ , by the way). Oh well, it didn't fucking matter. The Spanish bastard would learn soon enough that I was not vulnerable in any way.

"Wow, Lovi, your house is so nice! Is this your kitchen? It's so fancy!" Antonio's voice broke me out of my thoughts. While I was still standing by the door, that dumbass had just strolled into my house and was making himself at home. What kind of bitch does that?

"Of course that's the fucking kitchen. What other room in the hose has an oven, idiot? And of course it's nice, we take food seriously in this house." I pushed past him and went to the pantry to retrieve the flour." Wash your hands. I don't want you to dirty up the dough." I heard him turn on the faucet.

When I walked out of the pantry, I saw him smiling excitedly at me. He looked like he was having the time of his life, and we hadn't even started yet. Dear God, this was going to be a long afternoon.

* * *

An hour and three batches of pasta dough later, I was collapsing onto my bed. Antonio was fucking shit at making dough. Didn't he mention one at lunch that he had culinary class with Francis? Whatever. The third batch of dough was sitting, and that meant break time.

The Spanish bastard was trying to make it to my bed without disrupting the delicate balance of my trash piles. As the pizza box tower fell onto the magazine stack, I realized that he was failing.

"Hey, tomato-for-brains, don't mess up my room! Everything is exactly as it should be." Antonio looked at me with skepticism.

"Um, but wouldn't it be better if there was room to walk? And why do you even need this many pizza boxes anyway?" He glanced pointedly at my ruined tower.

"There is room to walk. The reason the boxes are there is because they are too far beneath me for me to take them out to the dumpster. And Feli is too much of a bitch to do it for me."

"I could do it for you if you want."

"Why would you _possibly_ want to clean my room for me?"

"Well, mostly because it's kinda gross." I was offended. My room, gross? Ha! He just couldn't appreciate my interior design genius.

"Do what you want, bastard." If he wanted to clean my room, then so be it.

He raced out of the room and returned a minute later with a trash bag (he learned where they were after the first failed dough attempt). As he got to work cleaning up my room, I took a moment to admire his ass. I consider myself an expert in the arts, a _connoisseur_ if you will, and let me just say _hot. damn._ And those legs-

Stop it Lovino. You're turning into that french pervert.

"So Lovi, what are your hobbies?" The bastard asked as he threw away my lint bunny collection.

"Are you trying to make fucking small talk?"

"Come on Lovi, you didn't let me talk during the pasta making because you said that I needed to focus on cooking. I want to get to know you! You seem like a really cool person." oh no. He was giving me the eyes again.

"Fine! You win! Just stop it with the puppy dog eyes, goddamn it. I like to draw and shit. Are you happy now?" How dare he try to get to know me. I was way too cool for this whole _friendly bonding_ shit.

Antonio dug around in my papers until he found one of my old drawings. He studied it for a second, then smiled at me.

"This is really good Lovi! Is this your cat?" he showed me the drawing. It was a mediocre one of Felicia, our old as balls tabby cat.

"Yeah. Her name's Felicia. Feli named her after himself, because he's a dumbass." Antonio laughed. I decided that I didn't hate the sound.

* * *

We talked until the dough was done sitting, and I found that talking to Antonio wasn't as unpleasant as I thought it was going to be. He was smarter than he seemed and was pretty funny. He even made me laugh a few times. Sure I was laughing at his stupidity, because even though he wasn't as stupid as Alfred, he was still an idiot.

When he left later in the evening, after we had eaten our homemade pasta, I realized that I was actually looking forward to seeing him again.


	4. A Fucking Horrible Day

I've said it before and I'll say it again, Mr. Zwingli can _suck my ass._ What kind of sick bastard assigns three hours of homework? When will physics ever be useful enough to justify this much homework? Why the fuck do all the practice problems relate to guns in some way? Fuck this.

I heard the front door slam open. Oh joy, Feli was back. He was spending more and more time with his bitch and hadn't even so much as given me a ' _oh thanks Lovi you're the best big brother ever!'_ In weeks. Not that I missed his pansy ass or anything. I just missed being praised and appreciated as the awesome big brother that I am.

I could hear Feli charging up the stairs. You know, for a shrimp he can sure make some damn noise. He's like the human personification of a sugar rush.

"Lovi! You won't believe it! Ludwig asked me out!" Feli shouted as he collapsed on my bed _(which I was still fucking laying you bitch)._

"You mean you weren't already fucking that bastard?" I exclaimed as I tried in vain to shove Feli off of me.

"What? Me and Ludwig are just friends. Oops- _were_ just friends!" He burst into giggles. Goddamn that German bastard. He turned my brother into a teenage girl. I shoved Feli onto the floor while he was distracted.

"Good for you. Go have fun with your bitch. Leave me here to rot in lonely misery. See if I care." I tried not to sound bitter, but let's be honest, I'm probably more bitter than a shot of espresso at this point. Weren't my teenage years supposed to be the best time of my life? Because at this point, it feels like a fucking rom-com where I'm not even the main character. Fuck their clichéd love story.

"Lovi... Come on Lovi. I'm not gonna ignore you just because I have a boyfriend now. You're my super cool big brother! Hey Lovi, are you listening? Helloooo-"

"Shut up! I heard you. And you already ignore me." I swatted his hand away from where he had been poking me.

"I'm sorry Lovi! Hey, why don't we spend time together right now? Grandpa said he would be out until really late tonight. Why don't we make some dinner and watch mafia movies? Does that sound fun?" He was giving me his puppy dog eyes. Fuck.

* * *

"So is there anyone that you have a crush on?" Feli said as he nudged me in the arm. I tried to ignore him and focus on the movie but that little fucker was persistent.

"No! And stop distracting me damn it! If you don't I'll shove your dinner plate down your throat!" I snapped at him. He only continued to smile at me. A lifetime of living with me had made him immune to my threats and insults.

"Are you sure," he smiled sneakily," that there isn't anyone? Because I might have found some really interesting letters in your desk when I was searching for your laptop..." THAT LITTLE FUCKER.

"YOU WERE IN MY DESK? WHY WOULD A LAPTOP BE IN MY DESK? THERE WEREN'T ANY LETTERS. YOU'RE OUT OF YOUR FUCKING MIND." I screeched in an effort to drown out the truth with screaming (which might seem like a useless method, but I assure you it has its uses).

Feli just laughed. "There's no need to hide it Lovi! I think that the letters are really sweet! Whoever wrote them really has a thing for you!" He sounded too damn happy. This is why I hate romantics. Even so, his weird excitement did calm me down a little.

"I don't even know who it is! If they don't have the balls to tell me to my face, then they aren't worth my time." I tried my best to act nonchalant about it. The letters had actually kind of grown on me. Not in a good way! They were just... flattering, I guess. That doesn't mean I actually care about the person who wrote them though!

Feli just smiled at me knowingly and turned back to the movie. Wait... Did he know something? There's no way. Who would be stupid enough to tell my brother a secret? Then again...

"Feli, you know something about this don't you?" I asked suspiciously.

"What? I could never hide anything from you!" He said in mock surprise. He was such a shitty liar.

"Bullshit. Who is it?" I demanded.

"No one! I told you, I don't know anything!" He looked kinda panicky. I better show mercy and let him off the hook. He would give himself a heart attack if it meant keeping someone else's secret. Damn his good nature.

I turned back toward the TV. Feli let out a sigh of relief. He thought that he was safe. But one day, when he was least expecting it, I would make him tell me. That is, if I don't find the bastard myself first.

* * *

Today can die a horrible excruciating death. Not only did I fall asleep on the couch (fuck Feli for suggesting a movie night on a Sunday) but we were also out of coffee this morning. I was trying to stay fucking optimistic by looking forward to the secret admirer letter, but fate just had to take a shit on anything that gave me a semblance of happiness. There wasn't a fucking letter today. So, to recap, I was tired, caffeine deprived, and angry at the stupid bastard for not giving me a letter. He probably ran out of nice things to say about me. Fuck my life.

I trudged to Physics. Oh fuck. I was going to have to talk to the annoying handsome bastard. Uuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh. If he tried to talk to me, then I would kick him in the balls. I usually reserved that punishment for people who had especially wronged me, but today I didn't give a fuck. I was willing to punch anyone who looked at me wrong.

I entered the classroom and sat down at my desk without bothering to glance around at my classmates. If I made eye contact with one of them they might try to say hello, and that would end badly for everyone.

I was just about to lay my head down for a little nap (it was worth risking detention) when I saw the stupid Spanish bastard waltz in. He was laughing and talking to someone, but quickly said goodbye when he saw me. Even though I was giving him obvious death glares, he still approached me without a care in the world.

"Hello Lovi! How are you today? You don't look so good…" he said as he finally caught on to my less-than-sunny mood. He laid his arms and head on my desk just like he did most mornings.

"Don't say a fucking word. I am in an even worse mood than normal, so you can just go fuck yourself." I mustered up one last glare before closing my eyes and resting my chin in my hand.

"Aw, Lovi what's wrong? You can tell me anything." I was about to reply with something witty and insulting, but changed my mind at the last second. Antonio had a very determined look in his eye and from what I knew about him, he was probably serious about his offer. Oh well, its not like telling him could make it any worse.

"Last night me and Feli had a movie night and fell asleep on the couch. Not only did I get a bad kink in my neck, but Feli fell asleep on my legs, which means that I had to wake him up before I could get up. That kid could sleep through an earthquake, I swear to god! And when i finally got him up and went to get my morning coffee, I couldn't find any! Grandpa forgot to go grocery shopping _again_ , which means I have to drive by the store after school and pick up some damn coffee because my grandpa is just as stupid as Feli is! Then when I got to school-" my voice had been getting steadily more agitated, but I stopped. Did I really want to tell him about my secret admirer? It was kind of corny and a bit embarrassing.

"What happened when you got to school Lovi? If it's something embarrassing, like falling on your face or something, then I promise that I won't laugh." Oh fuck, he looked really earnest. Now I had no choice but to tell him.

"Well… for the last week some bastard has been leaving me anonymous love letters in my locker. There's been a letter each day, but there wasn't one today. I mean, it's not like I like them or anything, but… oh fuck it. They were really flattering and sweet and now I'm worried that that stupid bastard ran out of nice shit to say. And I'm kind of pissed." i sighed and avoided Antonio's eyes.

"Hey Lovi, I'm sure that there is another reason why you didn't get a note today. Maybe your admirer just didn't want you to feel overwhelmed or couldn't get to your locker this morning. I'm sure he still thinks you're amazing. Why wouldn't he? You're super cool!" He was giving me a huge smile.

"What do you know? Bastard." I pushed him lightly and couldn't quite hide my smile.

* * *

Today wasn't turning out to be too bad. The Spanish bastard made me lunch and it wasn't to bad. In English we just watched _The Great Gatsby_. Mr. Zwingli even forgot to take up my (uncompleted) homework. That never happens.

I quickly rushed to my locker to drop off my textbooks. I didn't want to miss the bus because then I would have to ask Alfred for a ride, and that alone would be enough to ruin my mood again.

My locker wouldn't open because it was a stupid whore that could suck my dick. As soon as I got it open I unconsciously scanned the avalanche for a white letter, which was stupid because the letters never came in the afterno- oh fuck. There was a motherfucking letter. I dove for it, scattering my old school papers all over the hallway. I quickly shoved my books and as many papers as I could back into my locker before sprinting towards the bus exit.

* * *

After I was safely on the bus (Which I just barely caught), I opened the letter.

 _Dear Lovi,_

 _I'm so sorry for not giving you a letter this morning. A friend of mine told me that my constant declarations of love might be making you uncomfortable. I know now that they were wrong. I noticed that today you looked really sad, and another friend of mine told me that it was because you were disappointed that you didn't get a letter._

 _I love everything about you. I will never run out of things to love about you. You're funny and witty and fearless, in a way. Not in a "I'm gonna go get into lots of fights" way, but in a way that you don't care what others think about you. You aren't afraid to tell people the truth or to let them know your opinion. You act like you don't need people and don't care if you're alone, but I know that that isn't true. No one can be alone forever. We all need a friend sometimes. Even if you never come to love me like I love you, I just hope that I can be that friend for you._

 _Forever Full of Love,_

 _Your Secret Admirer_

Stupid bastard. I don't need a friend. And I don't need their damn letters. I do just fine on my own. But maybe it would be nice… No. You're Lovino Vargas for god's sake! You don't need some pussy bastard to be your friend. No matter how good it sounds. You can do this. Just throw away all the letters when you get home and don't look back.

Although, that's easier said than done, even for me.


	5. Free Food Makes Things Better

"No fucking way." I said with absolutely no room for argument.

"Come on Lovi, please! It'll be so much fun! Besides, me and Ludwig haven't gone a date in public and what if people look at us funny? Oh please Lovi! It's just a double date!" Feli begged.

"Who fucking cares about people staring? If it bothers you I'm sure your bitch will be happy to beat some asshole up for you. You don't need me there!" And it wasn't like I really wanted to spend my Saturday evening watching my brother lock lips with a fucking German bastard.

"But Lovi, I would feel a lot safer if my strong big brother was there! I even have someone for you to go with!" Feli looked like he was about to cry. Damn him. He does this every fucking time.

"Fine," I was already regretting it,"Who am I going with?"

* * *

This could not be any worse. Why in fuck's name did Feli think this was a good idea? Was this another one of his schemes to "get me out of my shell"? If it was, then he's fucking dead.

"Hi Lovi! I didn't know that you were going to be my date! What a wonderful surprise! I didn't see this coming at all!" Antonio exclaimed. Damn him. Of course he knew. Fuck him. Fuck Feli. Fuck me.

"Hello Toni! Thanks for coming on such short notice! Is that a new jacket? It looks good on you, doesn't it Lovi?" Feli said as he nudged my arm with his elbow. Toni was wearing a new jacket, and he did look good, but I'll be fucked sideways before I tell him that.

"You look terrible, bastard."

"That's Lovi's way of saying he likes it! Right Lovi?" Feli was still nudging my _fucking_ arm.

"What the fuck? Why would you think that? And stop touching my arm, you dipshit!" I slapped his elbow away. I glanced at the stupid Spanish bastard, but he was just smiling the same goofy grin that he always was.

"Thanks Lovi, you look good too. So, what movie are we seeing?" He directed the question at me, but Ludwig answered. I don't remember what movie he said, but it sounded stupid and romantic. Feli probably picked it.

Ludwig offered to get the popcorn, so the rest of us went ahead to our seats. I sat at the end with Feli to my side, so that Antonio couldn't sit next to me. But my brother is a fucking ass, so he traded seats with the bastard. Why is he so intent on sabotaging me? Because he's an ass, that's why.

* * *

I was not fucking crying, even if that movie was a depressing piece of shit. Was it really necessary to kill off the love interest? Why did Feli pick such a sad movie? Fuck him.

"It's okay Lovi, at least the ending was sort of happy. There's no need to be sad." Antonio said as he handed me a tissue. (Where the fuck did he get a tissue?) He gently grabbed my arm and led me out of the theatre. Ludwig did the same to Feli, who was bawling his eyes out.

"Fuck you. I'm not crying." I tried to say angrily, but it just came out pathetic. Antonio gave me a side hug.

"Of course you aren't. I was talking about Feli." He walked me over to a bench and let me compose myself. As I was wiping my face and willing away the tears, He just sat quietly and pretended not to notice.

After he stopped crying (or, mostly stopped crying) Feli suggested that we go for ice cream, which sounded pretty good actually. Antonio offered to pay for mine, which made it even better. Maybe free food would make up for having to leave the house today.

* * *

The free food did make it better, but only a little. When we sat down to eat our ice cream, Feli started doing _it._ The thing I most dreaded. The unthinkable. _Being lovey-dovey with that stupid German bastard._

It hadn't been as noticeable before, what with the darkness of the movie theatre and Feli's sobbing afterwards. But now, they were holding hands and feeding each other ice cream and _God, kill me now._ Damn Ludwig. It didn't matter that Feli was initiating most of it, it was the German's fault for being the object of his affections.

I tried to ignore them but _fuck._ Feli was basically in Ludwig's lap now. I felt like vomiting. It would be more pleasant than this.

"Hey Lovi, why don't we let them be alone." Antonio half-whispered to me.

"That's the best idea you've ever had." I not-at-all-whispered back. We both stood. Feli didn't notice.

"Hey Feli, me and Lovi are gonna go on a walk, okay?" Feli looked up.

"Okay. You two have fun!" Feli said. Thank god.

...Wait. What happened to 'oh please Lovi go on a double date!'? Why was he okay with me leaving now? Was it because he felt more comfortable now? Or maybe...no, it couldn't be. Whatever, he was up to something, I knew it.

Me and Antonio walked for a bit, and I didn't bother to pay attention where we were going. The were trees and... flowers and stuff. I don't know, scenery is boring.

"Isn't it nice out? A bit chilly though. Maybe I should have brought a jacket." Antonio said.

"Yeah, me too." It wasn't too cold, but the breeze was enough to make me shiver. We walked in silence for a moment, admiring the birds and shit. I snuck a look at Antonio. He had a content smile on his face and was looking around at all the nature-y stuff around us. Oh yeah, where the fuck were we? Probably a park or something.

"So... Have you drawn anything good lately? Well, everything you draw is good, but is there anything that is extra good?" Antonio asked. I don't like talking about my drawings. People were never really interested. But Antonio looked so sincere (with those _fucking eyes_ ) and so attentive that I couldn't help myself.

"In art class we're working with oil paints, which suck. Acrylics are way better. I really prefer pencil or charcoal though." I responded.

"You're in art? Why didn't you tell me? I would love to see your portfolio! You guys do do portfolios right? Or is that a something that you don't do until later?"

"We do have portfolios, but I'm not letting you see mine, bastard," that was only maybe a lie," And I never told you that I was in art because you never asked." Antonio looked confused.

"But I did ask you, I think," He thought for a second, before realizing something,"oops! I definitely did not ask you. Silly me!" He laughed nervously and avoided my eyes. I just stared at him in confusion. Why was he so anxious? Did he think I would get angry at him for making a mistake (which was kind of insulting. I'm blunt and aggressive, but not cruel). The more I stared at him the more agitated he got.

"I might let you see one of my drawings... just one, though." I finally said. I don't know why I said it, but maybe it had something to do with how nervous he seemed. It wasn't like I cared, but his demeanor was pissing me off. Yeah, that was it. It was nothing more than me being annoyed.

Antonio smiled like he always did. He was back to his normal self. We walked for a while, looking around the park and talking about trivial things. He told me about what music he liked and Spain and his family. I told him about art and stupid things Feli had done and which movies were absolute shit.

It was, surprisingly, nice.

* * *

Antonio walked me home. It had gotten dark and despite the fact that Feli and I were in fucking high school, Grandpa insisted on setting a curfew.

We turned onto my driveway and Antonio followed me up to the doorstep. We stood awkwardly for a minute avoiding each other's eyes.

"So... I, uh, I had a good time. But not too good of a time because you're still annoying, Bastard." I said quickly and without any real bite. Antonio smiled.

"I had a good time too." He turned to walk away, but stopped,"Hey, Lovi, can I tell you something? It's kind of important." I was going to crack a joke, or call him a name, but he had a serious look on his face, so I stopped myself. I silently nodded for him to continue.

"Well, you see, I, uh, I've wanted to tell you for a while now, but I haven't had the courage. Because you see I think I-" he stopped and, for the first time, I saw hesitation in his eyes. I knew what he was going to say, but a part of me didn't believe it. A part of me was suspicious of his warm smiles and easy going attitude.

He stood there, the words on the tip of his tongue, paralyzed. After a long moment, he smiled. "I'm looking forward to seeing your portfolio." He said happily, but with a twinge of regret. It was bullshit, we both knew it, but neither of us were willing to expose the truth. There was no need to.

Antonio turned and walked away. I would be lying if I said I didn't watch him go. Once he was out of sight, I went inside.

"Hey Lovi! Did you and Toni have a good time?" Feli called from the living room. I walked over to him, glad that that damn German wasn't here.

"Feli, why did you want me to go on that date? Don't you fucking lie like last time." I tried to look angry, but I wasn't feeling it. Feli only smiled softly.

"You know how Antonio sometimes has that huge grin on his face?" Feli asked.

"sometimes? I think you mean always. It's annoying. What about it?" I replied.

"He only smiles like that when he's with you, Lovi." With that, Feli stood and retreated to his room, leaving me alone with my thoughts.


End file.
